wake up and smell the coffee

clean slate .2, originally uploaded by rebekkah.

A clean slate, that's exactly what I need. Get out of bed and grasp the world as it quickly changes around me, to breathe in the crisp cold morning air, to brew my own coffee and head out the door. Start re-living, but anew.

The past 3-4 months have been somewhat challenging for me...I felt my life peaking with the excitement of a baby joining us, only to find out it wasn't going to happen... Little did I know it was a blessing in disguise, for it revealed further complications that have now been resolved through surgery. I am very happy... As much as I still mourn my loss, I will always be grateful for reasons I can't even bring to words...

It is now time for me to get out of bed, realize my fortune and get back on my path... Today, I feel exhausted, drained out, but I also sense the sparkles of energy within, and I can smile. Today, I know things happen for a reason, and a good one for that - if not great. I feel older, but quite wiser I would say, and looking forward to a happy, healthy, and prosperous 2007...

being there

Tuval, Alacati, originally uploaded by Asliee.

The nicest thing about my life as it stands is that I basically get to have 2 lives.
In Life 1, I'm a frantic New Yorker, who runs about her daily corporate life, running to the train, running to meetings, mainly running for all the wrong reasons. My soul gets pretty much no rest, as do my legs and my brain. The thing I so love about this life is that I get to spend it with my husband, and being just the two of us in a far away place has helped us form this incredible bond. I like that.

I like that I'm so in love with my apartment, probably a little on the crazy side in terms of organizing and reorganizing (a Virgo), decorating and redecorating, assigning and reassigning furniture, kitchen tools, whatever else you can think of. It gives me peace. Another thing is my neighborhood in Brooklyn Heights. I feel like I have been destined to live here for a piece of my life, within the so-well maintained pieces of history that speak to me, and somewhere down there I know this is the place I'll find myself, (and hopefully before I turn 30)

The thing about being there is so different. It's quaint. It's sunshine and breeze. It's familiar and soft. It's the smell of the Bosphorus that the Hudson so lacks. It's the hospitality of my people. It's where vegetables smell and taste far better. It's my home.
It's where I grew up, where I'm proud to be from, the city I can talk about for hours. The only place I've lived for 25 years of my life. That's Life 2.
Having the option to go back and forth, to smell, embrace, experience, love and dislike both these worlds is what makes my life so precious and meaningful. I am grateful, this day, for all my life has offered me, and curious to see where other charters will take me. For all the tears and wears, today, I am me.

what makes a home, a home?

decoration inspiration - coffee table goodies, originally uploaded by Asliee.

The sweetest picture I've come along in some time... Totally made me want to write about my home.

I don't tend to dwell in this much here, but I'm actually a sucker for design and the health of my home. My home, which currently translates into a 700 sq feet one-bedroom in the best location in Brooklyn heights, is a major part of my life and my thoughts these days. It is the first place since I've moved to NYC that I can finally call home (though I've been in many others..). Eventually, it's balanced, invigorating, pleasing to the eye and provides comfort - at last.

So what makes a home really a home? Is it the furniture you put in? Is it the people you share it with? Is it the color of the walls? Is it the meals you cook there? Does it become more of a home the longer you stay there? Maybe...

For me it's finally a home when you have details collected from places, flea markets, from overseas, from older generations that finally come together and tell you memories. Memories you've made for yourself in your sacred place and will be with you forever. That's your home.

nostalgia

babanelerin en guzeli, originally uploaded by Selos.

Today's the day I honor my grandmother for being what she's been all along... My grandmother. We miss you.

Thanks to my sister for scanning and sharing:)

reminiscence

Callalillie got me thinking... And inspired me to get back to my neglected blog...
If you had a chance to visit anytime in history and anywhere, where and when would that be?

blue mosque, originally uploaded by Nachosan.

Me, I have a BIG list:

• Around the turn of the century in Brownstone Brooklyn - so I could see how these marvelous, century bearing buildings have come into existence and how once they all used to be grand, one family buildings. ( I also wouldn't mind the fancy dresses with hats of the time:))
• Around 1923-1924, in Istanbul, Turkey. To experience first hand the arrival of the well-deserved Republic Regime in Turkey, and again, for the (then newly introduced) fancy outfits reflective of care and well respect.
• November 1938 - at Ataturk's funeral, to say a proper goodbye and a silent thank you for all the determinism he deployed in making a whole nation become what it is today.
• Around late 50's in my mother's household, so I could get to meet her cheerful mother before she got sick, to understand the underlying urge my mother felt to paint when she was only a little girl. Also in the same household, meet my writer/poet grandfather in person and chat with him for a little while, and to tell him that he's my idol in my adult life.
• Around the same time in the 50's, visit my other grandparents in their big house that I sooo LOVED as a child, to get a glimpse of the misery they have married into, having been pushed into a marriage while being in love with other people, and try to grasp what kind of an effect this may have had on who my father is today...
• Finally, April 21st, 1977 - Ankara. To have a peak at the birth of one particular little baby boy who will grow into being my dear, caring, compassionate husband -- so that we can connect from the start and I don't spend my awkard teenage phase fearing I will never find him.

Who knows, maybe I've already been to all at one point in my life, and just want to reminisce... If you had the chance, where would you be?

A little piece of history

Study Hall, originally uploaded by Asliee.

Time and time again, I find myself liking things, things that I have left in my past and oh-so-gladly done so.

I spent 7 years at a highschool known to all as one of the best in Istanbul, had a blast of a time making the friends of my life, grew up together with a classroom full of 80 girls, from age 11 to a flourishing 18. Nonetheless, the day I graduated, was the last time I stepped foot on its premises, in a way wanting to erase a substantial piece of my life.

Now looking back, and finding pictures of a vast history behind this institution, I remember things in bits and pieces, emotions of joy and happiness, the comfort of belonging and of friendship, ecstasy of music and art, quaintness of lush gardens and historic buildings.

Things I've hated so, I'm beginning to feel a longing for.

Why on earth does this happen, and why on earth now?

this is my life

So is anyone else's who experience this poignant wave of emotions when a loved one comes to visit, only to leave in a matter of days.

Time spent together is never ever enough, and in some ways very stressful. You want to make sure you suck the person in all you can before that dreaded airport moment arrives, and make sure they have a good time, a comfy bed, a minimized jetlag, and great fun.

My mom and my sister came to visit last week. It was probably the only thing I had been looking forward to for months, and I don't want to admit to myself that now, it's over. My hollow chest hurts in a weird way that I know I'll get over soon, but can't quite grasp why it keeps getting worse every time.

I'll never recover from this. There will always be tears upon goodbyes and joyous hugs when we unite again. This is the reality that I live in, having chosen to have two parallel lives, and opted in to dream that I could have a different life than I had way back home. I have dared to imagine that there was more to the world than that. I have been liberated from my roots to embrace a worldliness, and I found it on the shores of this oh so famous lady.

If only I had the option to freeze out my heart during times like these... Does this ever end? Do people ever succeed in being happy in two worlds, or does one end up making yet another heart wrecking decision to let go of one?

Will I ever take this for granted and routinize comings and goings, or will airports give me the cramps for as long as I shall live?

This is my life. I'm here to find out.

orchid so wild

orchid so wild, originally uploaded by Asliee.

oh, the power of natural beauty...

dancing your heart out

Ensaio III / Danse III, originally uploaded by Carolina Arantes.

One of my fondest and clearest memories of my husband resides back in 1997.

On a crisp, cold week night at a time usually reserved for sleep or getting ready for finals, we decided to sneak out to our most favorite bar/club/hangout/dance floor of all times - the renowned and dearly missed Roxy. I distinctly remember going out in my sweats and sneakers (something usually unheard of me at age 20), and that it was an 80's night. Being a kid back then makes you remember how badly you aspired to not be a kid then, and the most significant flashback obviously comes through its "music". Rebellious, fashion-backward, agressive but hearty songs of an era so well defined by its distinctive culture that is almost universal in each society that embraced it.

That night was a night I danced my heart out. I jumped up and down so many times that I had blisters in my soles for a week. I laughed so hard that my cheeks hurt when talking the next morning. I had so much fun spinning and dancing in the arms of my then boyfriend that I fell soo deeply in love...To this day and rolling, it's been one of the most thrilling moments of my life.

Him? A cracked front tooth from a beer bottle accident, a newly discovered talent for spin dancing, a much raised spirit and a loving wife for life. What more could one ask for?

reflection

Diversity, originally uploaded by latesa.

Every time I take the train back from work, I am startled by the expression-less and saddened faces of anonymous, tired people. There's always the same gazed-out look in their eyes, while the all too familiar "fed up with life" aura surrounds the subway cars.

I've always felt for these people on the train. I try and send them good thoughts to ease whatever it may be that they're dealing with - it's a game I play when I'm on my own - especially when I stand up in front of them, waiting anxiously for a seat to free up, and can't help but stare directly at their faces. I feel totally invisible until someone catches my eye: My own reflection in the glass.

I look old, I look tired, and I look sad. I have bags under my eyes and obvious wrinkles. The image gets distorted as the car moves faster, squeaking, screeching loudly, crying for help.

It feels like I haven't really seen myself in a long long time.

Now is the time to send myself some good thoughts. I have the power to put a smile on my own face. It's time I realize this and act on it.

Thank God spring is finally here to give me a nudge.

are we there yet?

Almost. Spring. Blooming blossoms - even if indoors - are promising. Sunlight, reborn, slowly diffuses through the windows, forewarning the celebration yet to come.
We'll be there soon, and hybernation of our souls shall cease.

work here and work there

One of the greatest things I love about my job is that I get to work from home from time to time. It's the best way to recuperate from the everyday hassle of commuting to Midtown Manhattan, taking the elevator up to my floor, and just feeling totally exhausted even before my phone starts ringing.

The whole notion of "getting to work" here is very different than it is in Istanbul. Firstly, people get up EARLY, take public transportion to work, and there is significant walking in between each stop. It's like working out even before you open your mouth to say "good morning". [And most people actually do work out before the whole 'commuting' starts -- I just can't bring myself upto the thought]

In Istanbul, everyone has a car, the fancier the better, and we drive to work no matter how much traffic there is, or how far of a ride it may be. It just isn't in the culture to try and do any walking, so parking in the nearest vicinity becomes crucial. We will circle around many times to find a parking spot in this most crowded city, since we dread so much the act of walking (and in heels, mind you)

Plus, we never get the option to work from home, since the cultural web around work is simply more important than the actual work you do. The morning coffee session, the smoking breaks, the 2+ hour lunch meetings and simply being around people's faces is an aura that surrounds most Eastern European and/or Middle Eastern workplaces, I presume.

Life in the new world is different. People have satellite offices, they "channel" in, location is not crucial, and you're evaluated on the output you produce: you can stay home, hop on conference calls, work on your own time and in your own little place and still be the golden employee of the year. This freedom and flexibility is frowned upon in my native world, but such I've come to love and enjoy since I've been here.

Today is a day I choose to work from home, and get to enjoy my self-made lunch - something obviously other than sushi or tossed salad on the go.

best part of going on vacation is coming home

Eventhough the weekend was amazing - with lots of sunshine and abundant stone crabs - nothing beats reading a good book on my comfy couch on a chilly day, sipping some local wine. Cheers to the vast technologies that ship us from one place to another so quickly, leaving us just enough time to enjoy both.

all set for warm bones

Today's the wa-hoo day of flying off to Miami. The warmth of the sunkissed sand between your toes vs. muddy slush in your socks. Can't wait.

east meets west

I try to remember the first day I set foot in New York 3+ years ago, and to my own surprise, that particular image of myself, is quickly fading away... It feels like a wound that has finally healed, and you can't really see the scar anymore. You know, like your skin has lost the unsightly "bump".

I've always been an exploratory person - in my head - but I've simply been too lazy and unwilling to act on any adventurous thought. Well... I received my calling one day - in the form of then boyfriend, now husband - and my life quickly changed in a way I hadn't imagined, or better put: imagined many times, but never aspired to realize.

The time in between has simply been an adventure; many painful moments, fights, struggles, and - quite often - tears evolving into sobs, but one I feel has helped open up my spirit to so many new things. I have learned to enjoy my past, my traditions, embrace them in a new way while adapting to the city I live in, and learn to be boundariless - by all possible means.

This is my first attempt to snapshot my life as it evolves, or simply, catch it while I can. I hope to share it with anyone out there who's interested to read, or share a common path in life.

Let's start talking. I have much to tell. Welcome.