Tuesday, May 09, 2006

A little piece of history

Study Hall, originally uploaded by Asliee.

Time and time again, I find myself liking things, things that I have left in my past and oh-so-gladly done so.

I spent 7 years at a highschool known to all as one of the best in Istanbul, had a blast of a time making the friends of my life, grew up together with a classroom full of 80 girls, from age 11 to a flourishing 18. Nonetheless, the day I graduated, was the last time I stepped foot on its premises, in a way wanting to erase a substantial piece of my life.

Now looking back, and finding pictures of a vast history behind this institution, I remember things in bits and pieces, emotions of joy and happiness, the comfort of belonging and of friendship, ecstasy of music and art, quaintness of lush gardens and historic buildings.

Things I've hated so, I'm beginning to feel a longing for.

Why on earth does this happen, and why on earth now?

Monday, May 01, 2006

this is my life

So is anyone else's who experience this poignant wave of emotions when a loved one comes to visit, only to leave in a matter of days.

Time spent together is never ever enough, and in some ways very stressful. You want to make sure you suck the person in all you can before that dreaded airport moment arrives, and make sure they have a good time, a comfy bed, a minimized jetlag, and great fun.

My mom and my sister came to visit last week. It was probably the only thing I had been looking forward to for months, and I don't want to admit to myself that now, it's over. My hollow chest hurts in a weird way that I know I'll get over soon, but can't quite grasp why it keeps getting worse every time.

I'll never recover from this. There will always be tears upon goodbyes and joyous hugs when we unite again. This is the reality that I live in, having chosen to have two parallel lives, and opted in to dream that I could have a different life than I had way back home. I have dared to imagine that there was more to the world than that. I have been liberated from my roots to embrace a worldliness, and I found it on the shores of this oh so famous lady.

If only I had the option to freeze out my heart during times like these... Does this ever end? Do people ever succeed in being happy in two worlds, or does one end up making yet another heart wrecking decision to let go of one?

Will I ever take this for granted and routinize comings and goings, or will airports give me the cramps for as long as I shall live?

This is my life. I'm here to find out.

orchid so wild

orchid so wild, originally uploaded by Asliee.

oh, the power of natural beauty...